I would like to work on this task.

This task has been assigned to kenneth dela harlley. You have 72 hours to complete this task, good luck!

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This looks interesting, but several critiques:

• "Its finally here" is wrong, see http://www.wikihow.com/Use-Its-and-It's


• BRL-CAD is more than 30 years old, so starting out by saying it's finally here doesn't work.


• "Your stop for ..." pans the text on the right side off before it can be read.


• Paper to Camera transition?? point?  The poloroid is a little cheesy.. :)


• That's our old logo, must use new or not at all.


• "A cad not ..." is grammatically odd.  You wouldn't say "A computer-aided design not only ...".  A CAD system perhaps.


• The next several transitions also quickly pan text off the screen before they can be read.


• Yet another incorrect "its" later.


• BRL-CAD must have a dash, CAD should always be in CAPS.


• U.S. English spelling of "modeling" is project convention.

I suggest watching some more typography examples for inspiration, like these:

http://webdesignledger.com/inspiration/13-inspiring-typography-videos

Lots of good ideas, especially some of the simple ones.  If you post a script beforehand, we can review before you spend time setting up the video.

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dear sean, 

               i would like to thank you for the critiques you gave me on my earlier work. i tried my best to correct all of these errors but if you should find any more errors i will be glad to correct them to the best of my abilities

                                                                                    yours sincerely,

                                                                                       kenneth

Kenneth,

It's getting better, but a few more issues still remain:

• The two logo screenshots are missing the hyphen in BRL-CAD, official branding requires the dash.  You can either add it manually or use one of the versions where that error has been corrected (or see any one of our other completed design tasks).


• The short phrases transition incredibly slowly.  I suggest adding an audio track of you speaking the text.  We can strip it out if you're shy, but it will help you sort out the timing. It needs to be spoken quickly and naturally.  Right now, there are massive pauses.


• The intro is still a little weak with that statement about needing a stop.  The first couple sentences need to grab attention and be interesting.  Did you see the examples in the link I posted?  Notice how they begin.


• Suggest different colors on that transitioning color-bar.

In all, the list is getting shorter.  Keep it up!

;)

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Kenneth,

My earlier comment is only emphasized now that you added an audio track.  You spoke and enunciated beautifully but notice how you have big pauses.  For example ...... "with" .... you take about 15 seconds to say 1 word.  That doesn't work.

I'm sure you made this audio overlay by watching the video and speaking.  If you wrote all of the words down without the animation and created another audio track without watching the video, you wouldn't have the long delays. You don't want to make the audio fit the video.  You want the video to match a naturally spoken audio, not the other way around.

Basically the video takes too long to say too little.  Some of the transitions are fine but several are way too slow for the few words and delay until the next transition.

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I see you sped up several sections, which is good, but you still have three big pauses in there and one instances of "cad" near the end where it should say "CAD".

Assuming you fix those issues, here are the remaining issues that I see:

• 00:05 you have short snippets throughout except for this full page of text.  Suggest stylizing the text (e.g., bold "high performance") while you're speaking the words.


• 00:10 our interface is anything but intuitive.  Perhaps say a "flexible user interface" or a "powerful user interface".  Definitely not intuitive though.


• 00:39 "that means.........." too long of a pause


• 00:47 cad - CAD


• 00:54 awkward ending with "The solid modeling system ........ for you."  Massive pause.

The whole video is still a little too slow.  You're clearly reading slowly, slower than natural, to compensate.  Those transitions where you only speak a few words take far too long.

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Now it's just a little rushed, but it looks better. (10 milliseconds makes a huge difference) Please post the video to Youtube to showcase your work and put the URL here.  Thanks for all your efforts Kenneth!

A follow-on task has been posted:

http://www.google-melange.com/gci/task/view/google/gci2013/5232363101487104